Most of you know that my favorite music is classical. Always has been, from the time I was little. One of my favorites is Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I had a friend in high school who was a fantastic pianist. We had choir together, and during our lunch hour, he taught me how to play all but the last 2 bars of this piece. All by sight, because I can't read a note of music. But I felt wonderful sitting at Mom's piano playing this masterpiece - sounded great - just like I knew what I was doing....until you realized that the music stopped before it was over - then I sat there looking quite idiotic not being able to finish.
OK, that's the beauty part - here comes the beast. I got a call from OHSU (Oregon Health Science University) which is where I will be staying for a month for the stem cell transplant. The registration person called me so that I can "get in their system". When she put me on "hold", as happens to everyone all the time, right -- you don't have to guess what music was playing -- I think you already know. Yep, Moonlight Sonata. So here I am, listening to one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written, waiting to be put into a system of a place that is going to bring me near death before getting somewhat better. Is that what irony is? In any case, I'm all registered. Whoopeee!
The doctor from Portland (OHSU) will be in Medford on March 31st and I have an appointment with him that day. I've not been given the time yet, but expect to hear something the first part of the week. Must say that I'm in a surreal kind of place...going through the motions...but feeling like it's happening to someone else, not me, right?? NOT ME.
Will let you know what the doctor suggests, whether doing a transplant would be something he thinks we should do now, or undergo the treatment beforehand. If it was up to me, I think I'd go for the transplant now; there's something about being poisoned with three different drugs for 6-9 months that just doesn't sound very appealing.
Sorry this isn't as funny or "chipper" as some of my other blog entries, but I promised myself that if I was going to blog, I was gonna blog the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Oh, wait, I'm not on trial........am I?
Mar 26, 2011
TMI
No, not too much information...Terrible Myeloma Information. My God, what a nightmare. I've been reading other people's blogs who have MM and are already in treatment. Some have had a stem cell transplant and have already relapsed. This sucks. The treatment for MM consists of Chemo, Thalidomide and steroids - just read quite a bit of information (the best site I've seen so far) at http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ but wow, the stuff is overwhelming to say the least.
We're talking six to nine MONTHS of treatment, not the usual six weeks of chemo and radiation. Geez, I don't even know what to say about that - my stomach is churning, flipping over like on a roller coaster ride, only not fun!
Well, we Americans laugh at British humor and how "tell-it-like-it-is" they seem to be. This website is no different. Check it out if you want -- it will sure give you an idea of what's in store for me.
Obvious I'm having a shitty day today, huh? Oh, well - tomorrow may be better.
We're talking six to nine MONTHS of treatment, not the usual six weeks of chemo and radiation. Geez, I don't even know what to say about that - my stomach is churning, flipping over like on a roller coaster ride, only not fun!
Well, we Americans laugh at British humor and how "tell-it-like-it-is" they seem to be. This website is no different. Check it out if you want -- it will sure give you an idea of what's in store for me.
Obvious I'm having a shitty day today, huh? Oh, well - tomorrow may be better.
Mar 12, 2011
Things You Cannot Recover
A friend sent me an email the other day that had these five things that cannot be recovered in life.
1. The Stone.....after it's thrown
2. The Word.....after it's been said
3. The Occasion.....after it's missed
4. The Time.....after it's gone, and
5. The Person.....after they die
Here's how the above touched me - how about you?
1. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
2. Choose your words wisely. Remember that even
if you apologize for your hurtful words, the effects
can last a lifetime.
3. Don't save stuff for a "special occasion" ... TODAY
is that special occasion!
4. No one promised you a tomorrow. Live life to the fullest
each day and be the best you can be - it's your choice.
5. Tell your friends and family that you love them, waiting
until it's too late wil leave you with regrets that will damage
your soul and spirit.
1. The Stone.....after it's thrown
2. The Word.....after it's been said
3. The Occasion.....after it's missed
4. The Time.....after it's gone, and
5. The Person.....after they die
Here's how the above touched me - how about you?
1. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
2. Choose your words wisely. Remember that even
if you apologize for your hurtful words, the effects
can last a lifetime.
3. Don't save stuff for a "special occasion" ... TODAY
is that special occasion!
4. No one promised you a tomorrow. Live life to the fullest
each day and be the best you can be - it's your choice.
5. Tell your friends and family that you love them, waiting
until it's too late wil leave you with regrets that will damage
your soul and spirit.
Mar 7, 2011
What Cancer Cannot Do
I'm not sure who wrote this poem, so I can't give any credit to him or her. When Tuck was going through his chemo and radiation, I gave him a necklace which had this inscribed on it. He wears it every day.
WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
These are beautiful words, great ones to try to live by; some days are easier than others. When I read these words, I think of God, who is all good -- then there is this cancer, which is evil. Some days the evil tries to take hold to invade my soul and quench my spirit. Today, the evil did not win!
WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
These are beautiful words, great ones to try to live by; some days are easier than others. When I read these words, I think of God, who is all good -- then there is this cancer, which is evil. Some days the evil tries to take hold to invade my soul and quench my spirit. Today, the evil did not win!
Mar 2, 2011
Hurry Up and WAIT
OK - got the results of my bloodwork today. Boy, this is tiring, and I haven't even started anything yet. Numbers are up, not a lot, but up nonetheless. While I love my oncologist, I hate the things he tells me (LOL). He believes if this trend continues - I go back for more testing in six weeks (oh joy, oh bliss), that I probably will be receiving treatment within six months.
The good news is that this gives me time to LOSE more weight because, of course, the type of treatment needed for Multiple Myeloma consists of chemo, thalidomide (you know the drug that caused birth defects and was taken off the market in the 50's), and steroids. Thank God I'm not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon.
The bad news is that the steroids will cause weight GAIN - weight GAIN????? What the fuck...everyone else I know who has ever had cancer, gets skinny with treatment; me, NO - I'll end up looking like a severely inflated balloon, with my face looking like Jerry Lewis' did at the Telethon several years ago when he was unrecognizable! Geez! Shouldn't surprise me, right? Oh well, you can laugh, or you can cry - guess I'll do a little of both. Vanity, thy name IS WOMAN!
Hey, just thought of something - Tuck better be on his best behavior, cuz look out for a woman on steroids - could cause some serious damage - ha ha!
My Doctor tells me that when stem cell transplantation becomes part of the equation, it will take place in Portland over a period of a month or so. The doctor who will be doing the procedure comes down to Medford once a month, usually towards the end of the month, and he is scheduling an appointment for me with him to discuss timing. He just might want to do the procedure before attempting any treatment first - gonna leave that in their capable hands.
Scary either way you look at it. I was told that when they "take you down" with mega doses of chemo for the stem cell transplantation, if they don't give your stem cells back to you, you can kiss your ass goodbye. Guess I better be really nice to the folks who give your stems cells back, huh?
OK, now you know as much as I do. And I promise to keep you posted.
The good news is that this gives me time to LOSE more weight because, of course, the type of treatment needed for Multiple Myeloma consists of chemo, thalidomide (you know the drug that caused birth defects and was taken off the market in the 50's), and steroids. Thank God I'm not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon.
The bad news is that the steroids will cause weight GAIN - weight GAIN????? What the fuck...everyone else I know who has ever had cancer, gets skinny with treatment; me, NO - I'll end up looking like a severely inflated balloon, with my face looking like Jerry Lewis' did at the Telethon several years ago when he was unrecognizable! Geez! Shouldn't surprise me, right? Oh well, you can laugh, or you can cry - guess I'll do a little of both. Vanity, thy name IS WOMAN!
Hey, just thought of something - Tuck better be on his best behavior, cuz look out for a woman on steroids - could cause some serious damage - ha ha!
My Doctor tells me that when stem cell transplantation becomes part of the equation, it will take place in Portland over a period of a month or so. The doctor who will be doing the procedure comes down to Medford once a month, usually towards the end of the month, and he is scheduling an appointment for me with him to discuss timing. He just might want to do the procedure before attempting any treatment first - gonna leave that in their capable hands.
Scary either way you look at it. I was told that when they "take you down" with mega doses of chemo for the stem cell transplantation, if they don't give your stem cells back to you, you can kiss your ass goodbye. Guess I better be really nice to the folks who give your stems cells back, huh?
OK, now you know as much as I do. And I promise to keep you posted.
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