Wow, time flies. Realized that I haven't posted anything since June - where has the time gone? By now you all know that the "Fowler Collection" day is one of the most dreaded - told my husband last night I'd rather have a Bone Marrow Biopsy - crazy, huh? Can't explain it, it just is.
I returned from my Arizona trip; having had a wonderful time visiting with my family, and knowing that my sister is recovering very well from her heart attack which occurred when I was on my cruise. Yes, God is good!
Has been a busy couple of months, however. Have had a few visitors - my life-long friend, Tude and her daughter Kelly visited for awhile, not long enough. Tude left, and Kelly stayed (love that young lady). She ended up taking the train home, something she has been wanting to do. I love the train, the sound is soothing to me, the gentle rocking lulls me to sleep. After Tude and Kelly left, my nephew, Justin and niece, Alyssa came for a visit - their first to Oregon. Oh, my God - what a ride that was, a wonderful ride. Must admit I was worried that a 13 year old boy and a 16 year old girl wouldn't want to spend an entire week with their 60 year old Auntie, and younger, but not that much younger Uncle; but they did - and even they said the time went by so fast. That's a good sign, I think, don't you? I was scared they would want to leave after the first day!
We laughed, we talked, we painted, we talked, we went fishing, we talked, we went on a most amazing jet boat ride on the Rogue River and to dinner, Western style, we talked. Get the picture here? We talked until my voice was hoarse. My goodness, up until 3, 4, 5 o'clock in the morning for a week. I'm lucky to be alive after that, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat! Very sad to see them go home, but Tuck and I purchased a 26 foot trailer, and we are taking a little jaunt leaving on September 13 to go to Arizona for my niece, Stephanie's 40th birthday. Sorry, Steph - now everyone knows how old you are. But we'll get to see everyone again, can't wait. Will be going there for Christmas this year, stopping to pick up our son, Erik in California along the way. This will be the first time in over 8 years that we all will be together for Christmas. Ah, yes, FAMILY.
My cousin, Vanessa from Los Angeles is arriving this Saturday, and will be staying until September 10. I'm so looking forward to her visit; haven't seen her in a couple of years. Good thing I've been taking my Melatonin to get some good rest because I know we, too, will be up until the wee hours of the morning talking, talking and talking some more.
On a sadder note, our best friends, K&M moved to San Diego, so their monthly visits to Oregon won't be happening. Miss them terribly already, more than words can say, actually. Talking on the phone, or emailing doesn't quite cut it, but it was a necessary move. They are selling their home in San Jose - have purchased a gorgeous home in San Diego which they will move into this month. For my birthday, they gave me two trips to visit them - no other gift could have been better. Miss my knitting/horror movie partner!!
So, I never did tell you the results of my last blood work/24 hour urine testing. Numbers were even lower than the last time. My doctor doesn't quite know what to make of it - all I know is that I'm so grateful, I thank the Lord every day I'm given. I see this as extra time, because just a few short months ago, my numbers were looking as though I would be in treatment within the next six months. Whew.
I was recently told that I have changed since finding out my cancer was advancing. I'm really not sure how to respond to that - I know I am the same core person I've always been, the same thoughts, the same feelings, the same values....what has changed, I think, is my insistence on surrounding myself with positive people, keeping negativity at bay, and keeping my stress levels down as much as possible. (That, by the way, hasn't been going so well.) Stress, I believe, is a killer of a lot of things. But as for ME, I'm still the same me, only I have cancer now. And as most of my friends and family know, my motto is and has been for a very long time, "It is what it is, til it isn't". There you have it. I'm me.......with cancer.
I read something the other day that had a tremendous impact on me, you know, the ones that sort of make you suck in your breath, but you don't really know why? It goes like this:
"You can only hurt so much before you're numb, bend so much before you break, forgive so much before you hate, ignore so much before you walk away." I don't know who wrote it, but it must have been someone in quite a bit of pain. I know that pain. Perhaps that's why it struck me so deeply. It may be because I've been so close to becoming that, or that I'm working on moving past it. I choose the latter, I have to....I don't like the alternative.
So, that's how I am today....plus drinking lots of fluids....will deliver the goods tomorrow! Will let you know the results next week.
In the meantime, God Bless.
